Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
