grandma shit on top of the toilet
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
