my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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