Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
