but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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