I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
