how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
