Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
