RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is my gift to your gina
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
