I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
