She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
