just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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