Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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