dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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