You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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