im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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