I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
