we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
