Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
