She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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