i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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