He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
