i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
