I'm so fucking centered right now
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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