remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
