it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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