I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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