My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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