I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
