Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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