Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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