Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
