And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
