Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
