Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
