I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
