Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
