What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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