last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
