i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
