So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
