a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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