He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
