After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
