**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
