all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You took a bar mat shot.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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