so that wasnt chicken after all
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
