About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
