it was like eating out sand paper
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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