I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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